So, I have been way too busy to start another one of these things. Seeing how i used to write everything down before now I am dreading even picking a new one up. But it turns out now that I'm putting the pen to the page I feel a ramble comin on.
I love him. At least I think I do. He is the kindest, most gentle soul I have ever met on this plane. It doesn't seem there is a bit of rot in him. He is innocence incarnate and all they want to do is ruin him. Make him a dusty old windbag who hates life. I wotn let them. Yes i may have made him rejoin the vanguard for my own selfish reasons but I will be damned if i let them turn him into a vile pig. Maybe....maybe I should teach him? How different could rogues and warriors be? Besides I'de rather he style himself after a rogue then a bone headed brain dead meat sheild.
Then there is Mel. I hate him. At least I think I do. He...he just breaks my heart. I want to hate him but. Jaen told me he would get his in the end. I drop by the prison sometimes and watch him there just....He's not himself. His eyes are vacant. Even Mel had some heart even if it was driven by violence. I need to talk to this Shaman again. Maybe he knows whats going on. Damnit Mel. Fuck you for making me feel this way about you. You giant fucker you were like my brother. You better fucking pray it wasn't you who touched my Jaen. I will end you.
I hardly see Raeynn anymore. I love her so much. But I know she's just busy with the endless training Mel has asigned her. Or she finally found someone worth settling down for. Maybe...I can hope for her. But sometimes I miss our long talks at night when the lights are out in our shared room. My family..these people are my family. But lately I have been wondering....
Where did I come from? I remember everything about my life thanks to Dae. But like most people I have trouble recalling my very early youth. As far as I can remember I was a little wild child. Pepper and me roamed the world, living on the land and surviving...somehow. Pepper kept me safe and protected me. Oh Pepper. I miss him too. I should visit his grave again sometime soon. Why the hell did i bury him all the way in Winterspring. Oh yeah cus he liked the snow. But my original thought. Who am I? Who was I? I'm elly. I've always been Elly....but i haven't always been a Copperspark.
Then there's Illy. Blinded by her strong devotion to Mel for some fucked up reason. She is the wolf lady now. Or wolf head. Or something...She spends most of her time with that fucked up version of Mel. It makes me angry. She hasn't even asked me if Jaen was ok. Fuck...these people are gonna give me an ulcer.
Jaen, I know you would never read my journals unless I amde you, you are so polite....but in the odds you find this and open it and read it...Just know that my thoughts are always of you lately. How patient and kind you are with me. You love me for myself. For this I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
XOXO Elly
((PS. If there is something spelled wrong I could give a shit.))
