My aching skull...
I should of took Jaen up on that food last night. How do I still remember anything? I remember -all- of it. I said it! I said it! For the first time in my life I said it and meant it with every fiber of my twirly being! My heart swells and breaks at the same time.
Good news is rare news in this day and age. Mel's absence puts a heavy weight on Illy, Rae and I. That son of a bitch went and got himself kidnapped by his brother. A brother who is not very brotherly.
For future records Carkel is Mels Brother. Creepy weasely little grease ball. His laugh actually makes me feel nauseous. I aint scared of the little creeper. If it wasn't for the fact he is holding Mel hostage somewhere he would be dead already.
Why would he want the ring. I knew thats what that little fucker was after the moment he said Illy had something he needed. WHY did she give it to him? She didn't even try to stop him? She was pretty glib on the way home last night. I guess that's why I started drinking. I haven't drank that much in a long time.
But how he cared for me. I swear he could read my mind, ever twitch and stir he was there with some water and bless his heart a bowl! I did manage to keep my pride intact and didn't puke! In front of him.... I sent him out the door and beelined for the bathroom. I can't handle wine like I used to.
I say it again, I love him. I want to be part of his life. We will go on vacation. I will take him away and we will be together. Maybe I will keep us there...and we will disappear. He is so fucking patient with me! I swear sometimes when he can't get any sweeter he does something like resist my drunken advances. Was I subconsciously testing him? Can I think on that deep of a level? I dunno sometimes I think I still have too much brain damage.
I also had another first last night. I sucked it! It was different but. I liked it. And I think I did it right. He finished and moaned alot. I love his lusty voice. He was so red and blushy! But most of all it's how safe I feel when he holds me at night. I wonder if I snore. I've never asked him that. Why can't I ever summon up the courage to do these things to him when we are making out?
I loved waking up to him looking down at me. He looked so tired. Like he had been watching me all night. So it seems like I'm not the only one who worries in this relationship. I write it again...I love you,Jaen.
Time to go find Illy and see what we are gonna do about this Mel business,
XOXO Elly
