I am scared as shit right now. I said Yes. I meant it. But he want's to be my husband! ME! Clutsy, loud mouthed, pale, messy, tactless ME! I hope he doesn't wake up and realize the mistake he's made. I love him so much I want to just...lock him away in the cabin he built for us.
The cabin...
It is lovely. It's spacious but small and quaint. Nothing like the estate which is fine by me. That place is so empty now. No Illy, never Xyn really he hasn't slept there since her "death" I don't think. Dae is never home and neither is Rae. It's been me all by myself for so long. But that is different now! I want to get married as soon as possible. I want to sleep next to him every night! To be able to listen to his heart every night! Oh Jaen...
THE RING IS GIANT!!! AND HE MADE IT!? It fits so perfectly and looks so wonderful. I love it! It's so me! I will never take it off. Ever. And god's help anyone that tries to take it from me. I wanted to thank him in such a naughty way but of COURSE he resisted. At first I thought it was because I wasn't pretty enough and thats why he was always saying no. But after the proposal I know now that he's just old fashioned. And I have waited 145 years another year or so won't kill me.
I know I am torturing the poor man. I can't keep my hands off him. I CAN'T!! His body is -amazing- arms just a little longer, legs that just -wont- quit. That farming did a body really really good. And his face. His face just makes me melt. Specially when he smiles. I want to make him smile. I think I make him smile.
Sometimes when he thinks I am sleeping I will roll over and lay my head on his chest. he's so sweet he would give up sleep to make sure I wasn't disturbed. But really I listen to his heartbeat. Solid and strong like I know he is. I may be able to kill without a thought but I feel safest when I am around him. Safe in his arms. He is my protector and he doesn't even know how much I rely on being near him to keep my head steady during these times.
I have to meet his mom. Yeah that's why I am scared. I want her to like me I really really do. She is an important person in his life and it would kill me if she didn't like me. But that woman scares the ever loving shit out of me. She is always there by the window leering at me as Jaen hops into my bike. I try to wave and smile but...she just shuts the curtain and yells at Jaen. I'm so worried. This is rediculous! I'm scared of someone because I can't kill them! Does that make sense?
I wonder if Jaen knows how ruthless I can be. And would he still love me if he knew how easily i took life? I'de like to think so but I have really sheltered him as much as I could from my line of work.
So many worries so little time! Durzuli found us. Don't know how really. He's an odd one that troll! I KNOW he knows more then he's telling us. Telling me I should say. We should be in Dalaran soon. I need to talk to Illy and show her the bag. Maybe she can track where it's been. Every day that passes, Mel is suffering more and more and I can't do anything about it.
I've decided that if things work out and we find Mel and he's ok. Im going to forgive him for hurting my love and...and ask that he walk me down the isle. Well...lets get that far first. I hope Jaen will be ok with that. We don't talk about what happened. I think maybe he's embarrassed about it. Why I don't know, he doesn't realize how he's the only one who has survived as unscathed as he did when against Mel. Not even Illy can say that.
Jaen, you make me so happy. My life will never be the same and that's such a good thing. I don't ever have to feel alone anymore.
