Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I don't recognize my own face. I'm happy.
But it is a different sort of happy. Sincere. Honest. But most of all, Pure. For the first time in years I feel unburdened. Laying my past out for Calthos was as freeing as it was therapeutic. And he didn't look at me afterwards like I was monster or delicate porcelain figurine on the verge of being broken by a sharp look.
He says she could be alive still. But I looked. Sun help me, I looked everywhere for that child. My sweet little imp. Would I recognize her if I saw her? 16 is such a young age for this hard world. Did she inherit my traits or her Fathers? There are so many things to consider if decide to start looking for her again. She may be dead. She could be alive and living happily with an adopted family. Safe. What if she hates me for giving her up. Does she know she's a Bloodmourne? I could spend all day writing down questions in this thing.
I have officially moved in to Calthos' quaint manor on the shores of Eversong Woods. I hate to say such a cliche thing but this all seems like a fairytale to me. I hate to be suspicious already but at the same time when has anything ever worked out like a fairytale for anyone lately? Why should I be so fortunate. Other's have suffered more then I. Which brings me to my next point.
This group of people in the vanguard while I have only met a few, have shown me that this group has real potential. Each of them are like an army in themselves. But like all Army's they begin to compete with one another for glory, for honor, etc... If they would only put their differences outside of battle aside this group could be...something terrifying to behold.
I think I may plan a good old get to know you cocktail party, like we did for new recruits. I know the men that served under me at the time always looked forward to my brew heavy party's. I shall invite everyone of course and yes I shall ever splurge to have it catered. I shall throw it in my loft right before I sell it. Yes plenty of room for tables and chairs. I need to think about Music and entertainment. This will cost a fortune. Should I wait for summer? Yes, summer when it gets warm at night and the firefly's come out The waitresses will already be scantily clad. Nothing like a bit of nudity and maybe some gratuitous violence. YES! Duels! Duels outside in the hot sun. Men in the finest having fisticuffs. Prizes! Oh games. Yes so much to do. I need to go see my business partners for a loan. I want this to be a grand event.
I'm giggling now. Calthos says the weirdest things when he talks in his sleep. It's time to go listen.
